Jamie had dropped out of U/K for a semester to finally decide what his major would be. I had convinced him that he needed to make up his mind. He was borrowing the money and some of the courses might not apply to his major. His ex-girlfriend even agreed that was the smart thing to do.His ex-girlfriend was in her last year of nursing school and they seemed like a perfect couple. They had met at the Southeast Christian Church Vine which is for college age young people. We were so happy that Jamie had found such a nice girl. Around the first of July his ex-girlfriend and her family took a vacation in Mexico . Jamie was miserable the whole time they were apart. His ex-girlfriend’s mother and father were divorced and her father lived in Columbia Kentucky . He seemed to like Jamie as did the rest of his ex-girlfriend’s family. But when Jamie dropped out of school suddenly he was a bum and not good enough for ex-girlfriend. They broke up when his ex-girlfriend’s family returned from Mexico . After they broke up Jamie still wanted to talk with her. His ex-girlfriend’s dad told him to stay away. He told Jamie he would kick his butt if he came around. That was two days before Jamie’s death and I think that was the final straw that broke Jamie’s will to continue living.

That summer was very hot and Jamie was working at a warehouse unloading trucks. Often he would go to work early in the morning and get off before it got too hot. On July 30 I walked out around five thirty a.m. to go to work but the car Jamie usually drove was gone and I assumed he had gone to work early. I looked through the garage door window and saw a red light. The car had been running for several hours and was overheating and the garage was filled with deadly fumes. I opened the door as I was screaming his name.Running back in I was yelling for Linda to wake up and went for the phone to notify 911. Linda woke up saying “My God” and went to the garage. Somehow Linda pulled Jamie from the car. I called 911 while Linda laid Jamie in the driveway and attempted to give Jamie CPR. He made a gurgling sound which we thought he was breathing. We were looking for any sign of hope we could find. Linda’s CPR attempts were not successful. The firemen arrived within minutes and put a machine on him. The words no parent wants to hear we heard “I’m sorry but there is nothing we can do.” Jamie had been dead they said for several hours.

We called all our siblings and Linda’s parents and shortly the house was full of people. No one knew what to say. There were also all kinds of police and detectives. Frs. Jim Wafzig and Bill Martin came and gave Jamie a blessing. Too soon our son was taken away in an ambulance for the last time to be in our home.

I thought thing can’t get worse but the police began asking all kinds of questions and considering Linda and I the prime suspects. The police separated us for over an hour. They also found Jamie’s journal containing his suicide note and other items Jamie had placed on his bed. I could have read his journal anytime but respected Jamie’s privacy so I never did. That gave me a guilty feeling about Jamie’s death.

The body laid in the driveway for almost four hours until the detectives and police were satisfied that Jamie’s death was a suicide. Meanwhile we had a house full of people and still no answers. The answers have all died with Jamie. Even now I still ask myself why but obviously there won’t ever be any answers in this world – only in the next. My sister Nancy and sister in law Carlene went to the nursing home to tell my mother what had happened. The next few days were a real roller coaster ride of pain both emotional and physical but our family and friends supported us. My youngest brother Gary went with us to make funeral arrangements and then to the cemetery. His support helped out when we weren’t thinking too clearly or just trying to stay focused. Without him it would have been impossible. We were really appreciative to Gary and also to our family and friends. The visitation and funeral lifted us up and the people from Southeast Christian brought food. One of their members made a computer disc with musical video about Jamie. We buried Jamie at Calvary Cemetery right across from where Dad was buried and Mom would be buried six months later. We didn’t have any intentions of this being a family plot but Jamie’s untimely death made this possible. St. Rita’s Bereavement Committee gave a very nice reception after the funeral.

Obviously parents aren’t suppose to bury their children and for us there will always be a void where Jamie’s life should have been. We will never have grandchildren, never be able to visit Jamie at his home, or enjoy vacations etc. with him. Jamie’s nine surviving cousins are six times more likely to repeat this act. Marriages have a good chance of ending in divorce after losing a child. The signs of depression were all there but we never put them all
together. Jamie asked Linda if she thought we could get a car in the garage and in the end Jamie completely withdrew from the world around him. He went out of our home when we thought he was safe and going to bed soon into a cold dark hot garage never to be seen alive again. The night before Jamie died he went out to dinner with a former soccer coach and true to form he didn’t drink any alcohol which the autopsy report verified. Jamie was a good kid who didn’t smoke, drink or do drugs. He was not to our knowledge bi-polar. Jamie did have a temper but I have never seen him out of control. He was just a good kid who was trying to figure out where he wanted to go in life and what he wanted to be. The night before he passed we sat and talked. I sensed that Jamie felt better about his life but by then he had planned his death. I never dreamed what he had planned but his pain was about to end. The last thing I said to him was I LOVE YOU and then hurried off to bed. I was naïve enough to think that the anti depressant would be the only thing Jamie would need to get over losing his ex-girlfriend. Unfortunately parents can give their children all kinds of materialism but they cannot make girlfriends love their children.

Some of the signs we ignored were irregular eating, sleeping patterns, giving away prized possessions, withdrawing from the world and things around him. When Jamie was young we felt it was important to keep up with who he was with and where he was going. When Jamie became an adult we felt it wasn’t as important. We had raised him right. Also it is hard to pry into personal matters of an adult. Looking back we should have paid more attention to the things he did near the end of his life. Parents need to be more aware of what their children or young adults are doing. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and show them that you care about them. Don’t be afraid of prying and invading their privacy. They’ll let you know when you step over the line and let them tell you.

The hardest thing for us has been to respect the different way that Linda and I have reacted to Jamie’s death. This is what usually tears a marriage apart. The respect of one another has to be there. At first we couldn’t talk about it without arguing and even now we don’t talk about it very often. Linda goes to the cemetery often while I have been there maybe five times in the six plus years since Jamie’s death. With the local SOS group we have made a memorial quilt of people who have committed suicide and we both worked at the suicide prevention and awareness booth at the Kentucky State Fair Also, I teach OPR ( Question Refer and Persuade ) on an as need basis. Even with counseling and medication there are still days when I feel that the only thing I have accomplished is being another day closer to seeing Jamie again. Even so, I wouldn’t want Jamie to still be here with all the pain he was feeling. Jamie’s death was about his life and not about mine.. My faith tells me that someday we will see Jamie again and that until then God is taking better care of him than this cold often cruel world ever could. As David said “He cannot come to me, I must go to him.”

Vince Gottbrath
loving father of Jamie
9/25/77-7/30/02